It was 8:00 p.m. or 9:00 p.m. I don’t exactly remember the time but it was the start of a night – the nights would start this time for me back then – neither i remember the day and the date but perhaps it was a normal and comfortable night in the winter of late 80’s or early 90’s. I was lying on a combined bed with my younger brother in the oldest and biggest room of my grandfather. The walls of the room were made entirely of mud and its roof was made of wood and grass; the roof had turned black due to the continuous smokes of fireplace in the room over the years.The old dusty lantern was spreading its small, dusty, calm and fading light around the corner where it was hanging against the wall near the fireplace; the rest of the room was almost dark. My grandfather and my parents, sitting around the fireplace in a corner, were taking green tea. They were drawling very slowly with a long and a bit loud sounds of sips of the green tea. It was raining outside. The soothing sound of the rain drops, against the roof, was dominating the drowsy talks and the long and loud sips in the room. I can never forget that sound of rain. It still echoes in my mind.
It is 8:00 p.m , the 10th of September in 2010. I am sitting in my room of dormitory. It’s raining outside and the rain drops are making a sweet sound against the outside shade of my window. I am taking a cup of green tea. I am intentionally making long and loud sips. My computer is playing a melodious song ,very slowly.
Today is our thanksgiving, the Eid. I am far away from my siblings and my parents. My grandfather is no more in this world. Right this moment, i am all around with my childhood memories………
I am thinking of the present rain and then the rain before this rain and then the rain before that and so on….
I am tracking back and back in the past to figure out how many rains do I remember…..
I am going back and back , and the earliest rain that echoes in my mind is……….It was 8:00 p.m. or 9:00 p.m. I don’t exactly remember the time but it was the start of a night – the nights would start this time for me back then – neither i remember the day and the date but perhaps it was a normal and comfortable night in the winter of late 80’s or early 90’s……
Memories are always with us, and if someone has such beautiful memories in his heart like you has, it will really help him to enjoy the present more than it is.
Soon you will be with your family
Thanks for the compliment. You are very right; memories are always with us and in fact good memories always help us a lot in our bad times. As in my case, i always take shelter in my childhood memories whenever the present is bitter.
Yeah some memories are so everlasting that they even haunt you till your death. They give you deep sensation of happiness and sorrow simultaneously.Its like a wave.
But I found it really hard to live with these memories in a place far away from my home.
I never got that homesick but on Eid and many days after it, the chanting memories of childhood Eids, the family gatherings, the festivals, the plays..Eidi..Eid shopping, Chand Raat..every single thing contributed to the sadness of being away from home on this Eid.
I concluded one thing, one should never ever try to get into past when he has to do other shits of the world.As it can severly effect his routine.
Well Hafeez first of all I would recommend you, start a blog…really you are very good in analysis and conclusions of thoughts and feelings. I would love to read about your stuff.
Then I come to your analysis. You are very true that such memories bring a deep sensation of happiness and sorrow simultaneously.
What i want to add to your conclusion is, how could one makes himself so much mechanic that he stops thinking of his memories – when he is far away from home or has other shits of the world to do. At least it’s impossible for me.
I believe one could neither be happy nor sad for ever, so switching back and forth between past, present and future is o.k and pretty normal for me. I think it’s very natural.
Yes of course I do agree that we should not be so much attached to the past that ruins our present.
Thanks for suggesting me.I think your blog is enough to share my views.As I only know to react rather than act.:)
You are quite right in saying that memories are attached and one cannot escape from them.True.But then just not stick to it.
One should always live in present.You know, past always acts like an escape from present miseries.
I am not saying that one should just forget it.Learn from it and move ahead.
Sometimes your past memories overshadow the lively moments to your disposal. E.g I was at gathering on Eid and thinking of Eid and home killing the good time I could have with the people around me.
Living in past is like an addiction.If you are addicted to it.It will urge you to step back from realities and hardships of life.
Urrgh I dnt know what I am talking about.But thats what I feel.
Your point is solid.